Dr. Larry Goodman
Trauma has a way of keeping us stuck in the past, replaying moments we wish had gone differently. The inner dialogue often sounds like:
"I should have known better.""I should have done things differently.""If only I had made a different choice."
This loop of regret can be paralyzing, keeping us in a state of guilt, shame, or self-recrimination. However, healing invites a different perspective—one that acknowledges the past but doesn’t let it define the future. Healing says:"Hindsight offers clarity, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. I deserve to be gentle with myself, even when I make mistakes."
A Client's Journey Through Regret
A client of mine—we’ll call him Mark—came to me feeling weighed down by choices he had made years ago. He was stuck in a cycle of self-blame, convinced that his past decisions had ruined his chances at happiness. Whether it was a failed business, a broken relationship, or a missed opportunity, the result was the same: he couldn’t let it go.
The first thing I helped Mark see was that he wasn’t alone. Everyone has moments they wish they could redo. But the real work wasn’t in rewriting the past—it was in changing how he related to it.
I asked him a simple but powerful question:"If you could go back and talk to yourself in that moment, what would you tell yourself?"
His response was immediate: "I’d tell myself to pay more attention, to not be so impulsive."
So I pushed further:"But did you know then what you know now?"
Silence. And then, realization.
"No… I didn’t."
That’s the moment the shift began. When we truly understand that we made past decisions based on the information, resources, and emotional state we had at the time, we can start releasing self-judgment.
The Path to Healing: What You Can Do Today
If you find yourself trapped in regret, here’s what you can do:
Acknowledge the Pain Without Judgment – It’s okay to feel sad, disappointed, or even angry about the past. The key is not to let those feelings turn into self-punishment.
Separate Hindsight from Reality – You only have the clarity you do now because of the experiences you went through. The past you didn’t have that wisdom yet. Recognize this.
Talk to Your Past Self with Compassion – If you could speak to the version of you who made that decision, what would you say? Would you criticize, or would you offer understanding? Choose the latter.
Redefine Growth – Healing isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about using those experiences to create a better, stronger version of yourself.
Take a Small Step Forward – Whether it’s journaling, talking to a coach, or simply choosing to reframe your thoughts, every small step towards self-forgiveness is a win.
Moving Forward with Strength
Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about changing the meaning you attach to it. When you recognize that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, you stop being a prisoner of regret and start becoming the architect of your future.
If you’re ready to break free from the weight of past mistakes and step into a life of self-compassion and growth, let’s talk. Coaching with Dr. Goodman can help you navigate this journey with clarity, support, and practical tools.
👉 Learn more about my 6-week coaching program at www.goodmanfactor.com.
Comments