By: Dr. Larry Goodman your courage catalyst
One of the most common struggles I see in my coaching practice is people feeling lost, stuck, or unfulfilled. They chase success, approval, or happiness, but something always seems to be missing. When we dig deeper, we often find that the problem isn’t a lack of ambition or effort—it’s a lack of clarity about their own values. Instead of living in alignment with what truly matters to them, they’ve spent their lives trying to fit into someone else’s expectations.
The Illusion of Fitting In
A client of mine, let’s call her Sarah, came to me feeling completely disconnected from herself. She had spent years chasing what she thought was success—climbing the corporate ladder, attending all the right social events, and making sure she was always doing what was "expected" of her. But despite checking all the boxes, she felt empty.
"I feel like I’m playing a role in someone else’s movie," she told me. "I should be happy, but I’m not."
That’s when I asked her a question that stopped her in her tracks:
"Are you living according to your own highest values or someone else’s?"
She hesitated, then admitted, "I don’t even know what my values are."
The Trap of Living in Other People’s Values
When you don’t know your own values, you default to the expectations placed upon you. You start measuring yourself against unrealistic social ideals, comparing your journey to others, and ultimately feeling like you’re always falling short.
Society tells you what you should value—success, wealth, status, appearance—but does that align with what truly fulfills you? If you live by lower values or values that aren’t yours, you end up self-defeating, feeling anxious, and losing momentum in life.
Living in someone else’s values is a recipe for self-destruction.
As the great Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Envy is ignorance, and imitation is suicide.” When you try to imitate others, you kill your individuality. You create a false identity that requires constant effort to maintain, and deep down, you know it’s not really you.
How to Break Free and Start Living by Your Own Values
With Sarah, we worked through a process of discovering her true values, not the ones imposed on her. We identified:
What excites and energizes her – The things she could talk about for hours without getting tired.
Where she naturally invests her time, money, and energy – These often reveal what truly matters.
What she admired in others and why – This helped her see the qualities that resonated most with her authentic self.
What moments in her life she felt the most fulfilled – These gave clues about when she was most aligned with her purpose.
Slowly, the fog started lifting. She realized she had been living someone else’s dream, not her own. And that clarity gave her the courage to start making different choices.
She didn’t need external validation. She didn’t need permission. She just needed to trust herself and take action in alignment with her own highest values.
What You Can Do Today
If you’ve been living for someone else, if you’ve been caught in the cycle of comparison and conformity, it’s time to break free. Here’s how you can start:
Identify what truly matters to you – Not what society says, but what feels authentic to you.
Stop comparing yourself to others – The only comparison that matters is between who you were yesterday and who you are today.
Take small steps toward your values daily – Whether it’s changing your routine, saying no to something that doesn’t align, or pursuing something that excites you, start shifting your focus.
Recognize the cost of staying stuck – If you continue living outside your values, you will continue feeling unfulfilled. Are you willing to keep paying that price?
Your Time to Stand Out Is Now
Fitting in might feel safe, but it will never bring you fulfillment. Standing out, being true to yourself, and living by your own values is where real power lies. If you’re ready to gain clarity, break free from the expectations that have held you back, and start living a life of true alignment, I invite you to take the next step.
Join me for 6 weeks of transformational coaching where we’ll uncover your true values, clear the mental fog, and create a path toward real fulfillment.
👉 Coaching with Dr. Goodman – Start your journey today at www.goodmanfactor.com.
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